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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m walking back, feeling all philosophical, when I hear this loud music. It’s coming from the square near the Cultural Center. I’m curious, so I head over. There’s a street performer, and he’s amazing! Playing the violin like a pro. I’m standing there, totally captivated. I throw him a few lei. He smiles, and I feel like a hero for a sec.